HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
