This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if only i could text you this smell
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
