Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
