So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
