we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize