it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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