The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
