OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
