my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
