please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
