Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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