singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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