guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
