you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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