no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
