that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it hurts more in the daytime
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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