i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
