OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
