That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
