Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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