I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
