Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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