i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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