You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
