Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
