I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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