Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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