allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Randomize
