This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
