ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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