I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
