he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
