Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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