Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
