I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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