I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
