Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
