My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
