can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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