Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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