He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
