i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
