omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
