i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
