it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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