He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and she was petting her beer can
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
