No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
