Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
