Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
