clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
