she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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